Day 3 ~ August 18, 2010

I just have to let go of my attachment to pushing my practice in the sense of performance. There is this facet of the Ashtanga yoga practice that encourages practice 6 days a week. This has many implications. One of which is development of perseverance. If you meet difficulty, you acquire patience instead of the other option, giving up. While there is no need to be a martyr, consistency is a important theme. When the sensation of pain arises, there is the need to develop some understanding that this is an inevitable part of the experience. Sometimes there is severe pain, so intense, that the obvious is to not practice. Often has been my approach. So going into todays practice I was a bit hesitant. I am here for the full experience so I managed to make it to the top of my mat again. So intense…seemingly purely muscle spasm I got to Bakasana(crane/crow) and realized I couldn’t go further. Here is the inherent difficulty. I do not like to respect my boundaries. While this in many ways has helped shape me into the experience I have had, I am seeing perhaps this is why this is what I face right now. I went into finishing series, savasana, and to the lobby. This is when the tears came. I remember when practicing with a not so generous teacher as Tim, I was told that I looked like a baby when I cry. I am okay with this and somehow tears for me often signal the coming of a shift. I am so ready for the shift. I am also familiar that sometimes this work is long and arduous. For this I am ready. I found someone for massage and acupuncture to see if I can help encourage this to move along. Deep work!!! And then more deep work!! Now the end of the day and after so much I am thoroughly ready to rest. I learned so much during the sessions today. I caught up with an old friend tonight who loaned me a board so I can get out in the waves. He also shared some insights into the local scene spanning San Diego which proved for some great conversation. This is only my third day and I feel like my entire world view has shifted. The process of seeking help to alleviate or come to grips with pain has brought some very interesting and enlightening individuals into my life today. The people I am meeting are sharing stories that are convincing me that we live in an incredible era. The shifts we are experiencing are opening us up to a profound way of experiencing life. Sometimes I feel maybe this is how it has been all along and I am just catching on. Or perhaps life is a divine comedy and someone is just now letting me in on the joke. One way or another I am thankful for each moment here.

Todd McLaughlin
www.nativeyogacenter.com